The Write Way

From the time I was a little girl, I could always talk to my mother about virtually anything that was on my mind.  Whether it was religion, politics or the boy next door, we could discuss these matters openly, fairly and completely.  So when I became a mother, even though I had sons, I had no qualms about developing an atmosphere of conversation, laughter and just plain great communication between us.  We talked about everything and I truly felt that our relationship would never change.  Well, “happily ever after” only works in fairy tales.

In true fairy tale fashion, as we entered into the “Land of Teen-dom” I underwent a metamorphosis that transformed me into the wicked “Mother Troll” who lived under the Bridge of Life.  Often my son, “Brandon-Goat Gruff” would trip-trop, clip-clop over that bridge and I would roar, “Who dares to cross my bridge?”  Then the Goat Gruff would reply, “It is I, and I’ll dare cross this bridge any time I choose!”  In short, any time Brandon and I would try to discuss any subject whatsoever, our conversation would escalate into a shouting match.  Eventually we began to avoid each other and most days were barely speaking.  When together, there was thick tension in the room.  Soon it was clear that silence was, indeed, golden.  I began to believe that perhpas that’s how mothers and sons ultimately ended up; simply not speaking to each other.

My heart missed my son and our conversations, and deep down inside of me, I knew that Brandon missed them too.  More importantly, as Brandon entered adolescence, I knew that he needed my guidance now more than ever before.  Every attempt at communication failed miserably.

After spending some time in prayer and meditation, I was impressed to try a new way of communicating with my son.  The Write Way!  Of all my children, Brandon was the most like me in many ways.  And since I enjoyed writing, perhaps he did too.  I purchased an inexpensive blue spiral notebook.  Opening the book, I stared at its blank pages for a long time before the words finally came to me. As I began to write, I began to write about whatever was on my heart.  If he chose to respond, he must respond only in the notebook, telling me his side of the story and his point of view.  Then I thought of these three basic suggestions:

1.  Once something was written in the journal, I would leave it up to his discretion as to whether we would ever discuss it aloud.

2.  Even if either of us were the last one to write in the journal, we could write in it again before the other one wrote in it.

3.  There would be no other rules.

Then I began to really “talk” to my son with my pen and my heart.  I recounted the story of the details behind my husband’s tragic death that caused me to be a widow giving birth to him on Father’s Day. I reminded him of my deep love for him and how frustrated I had been over these past few months.  I tried to be concise and heartfelt.  Then I left the notebook on his pillow.

At first I didn’t hear anything from him and I wondered if I had done the right thing, but one afternoon, three days later, I found the notebook on my bed.  I slowly opened the cover and began to read his almost-three-page response.  I couldn’t believe how he opened up to me!  Over the next school year we wrote back and forth consistently to each other.  We stuck to the rules and our relationship grew into one of respect and mutual understanding.

There seems to be little use for pen and paper now; we spend our lives texting and in-boxing.  But it matters not what method you choose, just consider communicating with your teen in The Write Way.

About the Author

Ruth-Ann J. Thompson is a motivational speaker and free-lance writer.  Book One of her children’s book series, The Open Fielders, is entitled Connections in the Open Field, and is available through Tate Publishing, Amazon, Borders and Barnes and Noble in paperback and Kindle.  www.ruthannthompson.com

The Notebook (A Remake)